We have three political parties: Democrats, Republicans and Maybes/Maybe-knots. Similarly we can divide ourselves into three groups: the Bries, the Brans and the Barbecues.

The Brie

The Brie group is populated with exuberant folk who live to eat something new. These are the explorers, who flock to elBulli, The French Laundry, Alinea and The Fat Duck. Their heroes are Ferran Adria, Thomas Keller, Grant Achatz and Heston Blumenthal.

These are the Cirque du Soleil of chefs: high fliers who soar to new heights on bended twigs and clouds of dry ice while Iron Chefs and their challengers continue to astonish and delight their followers as they exhibit their own brand of jaw-dropping daring and culinary expertise.

The Brie group hurries to every new restaurant, daring to savor novel tastes, marveling at the dazzling décor and freedom of choices. They are having a glorious time, shouting applause and encouragement for the chefs and spurring them on to new creations to delight their fans. The cooks are like a jam of jazz musicians, playing set after set, variation after variation, spurring each other on with flair and imagination.

As Bobby Flay observed: “In the end, your creativity — perhaps even your outrageousness — will determine the final result.”

A characteristic of the Bran brigade is their tendency to treat themselves as outpatients. They study food labels as though they are prescriptions for life or death. Members of this group concern themselves with calories, cholesterol, and fat and have lately become obsessed with gluten.

The Brans medicate themselves with food supplements, rigorous exercise regimes and diets of denial. They fret about fluorides in the water and salt, (except sea salt), in the soup. They do not lie in the sun.

Many Brans are united in their devotion to slow (food). They sing rousing choruses of Amen’s to the principals of sustainability, seasonality and farmer’s markets. They believe we should treat animals humanely so they can eat them. Their hero is Saint Alice.

The Barbecue brotherhood are an entirely difference kettle of fish. They are happiest when dressed in warm clothing, armed and fortified with spirited drinks. They like to hunt and kill their own food: doves, ducks and dears.

The Barbecues can be found striding around their contemporary backyard version of an ancient campfire, carrying a beer and a spear, while their mates scurry about gathering all the sides and washing the dishes. The Barbecues regard a large steak with the same near reverential awe as the flag and the constitution. To those with whom they disagree, they offer tea — and sympathy. Their hero is not the Jolly Great Giant.

It is interesting to discover all three of these disparate approaches to dining result in an almost identical lifespan of three score years and ten (or twenty if you are an actuarian totting up future social security benefits.)

A lifetime if you are watching the political parties — party.

Executive Chef Alfred Portale, Gotham Bar & Grill

There are those who invent clocks and others who tell the time. There are architects who design buildings and folks who paint them. There are artisans who make violins and artists who composers of concertos.

We tend to think of artistic creativity as springing from the minds of dancers and painters and musicians, but plumbers, electricians and vacuum cleaner engineers also invent novel solutions to problems. They are creative geniuses too.

We all know chefs who acquire or are endowed with exceptional ability. Some are intellectual giants. Some are blessed with intuitive talent.

If we tried to make a list of influential chefs, it would reach from Lucullus who drew his last breath in 56 B.C. and trace a glorious gastronomic path through the prism of Apicius who took his first breath in 25 B.C. We’d mention Taillevent 1310 – 1395, and Rabelais who tirelessly described sixty ways to cook an egg.

In his treatise Gargantua, Rabelais wrote, “Drink always and you shall never die,” though unfortunately he did — in 1553.

We’d add to our list, Catherine de’ Medici, who arrived from Italy as a tiny betrothed 14 year-old and became the Queen of France. She changed the culinary landscape by introducing the French court to truffles, Parmesan cheese, artichokes, quenelles, roast duckling with orange sauce and pasta — lots and lots of pasta.

It has been observed there wouldn’t have been a Renaissance without pasta, because hungry men growl, and with rumbling tummies, foment revolutions whereas the well-fed sing happy songs and bequeath everlasting beauty. With a bellyful of spaghetti, a person can contemplate creation itself.

It was Epicurus, the ancient Greek philosopher who lived from 341 B.C. to 270 B.C. who wisely declared, “The beginning and root of all good is to make the stomach happy; wisdom and learning are founded on that.”

By Gum! If only those old Greeks still ruled the world we would all be living in Paradise instead of dwelling in perpetual poverty.

Do you remember the dictum of King Henri IV, patron of that venerable inn, La Tour d’Argent? He pronounced his monarchy philosophy thusly, “If God allows me to live, and I will see that there is not a single laborer in my kingdom who does not have a chicken in his pot every Sunday.” And that pronouncement was made in the mid-1500s before the Colonel fried his very first KFC.

As we march through the menus of time we stumble across Colbert, Jean-Baptiste Colbert, the Minister of Finance who served the Sun King, Louis, 14th. He approved France’s purchase of Quebec and Louisiana even though according to writer Daniel Rogov, author of Rogues, Writers & Whores, Dining with the Rich & Famous, “he could see no way to convince the savages that inhabit those lands to buy our fashionable frocks.” However, Colbert did see the colonies as a source for enriching the French larder, (though the future presence of McDonald’s in the Musée du Louvre was surely not what he had in mind).

Parmentier was the person who persuaded Parisians to set aside their fear of potatoes. This feat of conversion from fear of crisp spuds prompted Chef Curnonsky’s description of French fries as being among “the most spiritual creations of Parisian genius.” The original French fries are thought to have been first consumed beneath the bridges of Paris during the French Revolution and were known as Pommes Pont-Neuf.

Thus we stride through the first stirrings of culinary creationism and evolve from Sauce Béarnaise to Green Goddess Dressing, from Poulet Demi Deuil with a fine Bordeaux to Chicken Nuggets with Diet Coke. We have traveled far and with increasing width from Sachertorte to Twinkies.

Each stage in the devolution of our culinary journey takes us to new heights: from the 17th century’s influence of La Varenne, we stride through gastronomy to honor: Brillat-Savarin, Marcel Boulestin, Antonin Carême, Choron, Dugléré, Nicolas Appert, (who invented canning), to Auguste Escoffier; Alain Chapel; Alain Ducasse and Alain Senderens to  Ferdinand Point; Guy Savoy and Gordon Ramsay; Chef Boyardee and Rachael Ray’s discovery of 365 ways to use leftover hot dogs.

We can all agree that Alfred Portale, a former jewelry designer and top of his class graduate of the CIA, is among the most inventive and highly acclaimed chefs of our time. As too are Ferran Adria, Grant Achatz, Heston Blumenthal, Thomas Keller and a host of others who have ascended into the exalted pantheon of kitchen deities.

What distinguishes these creamers of crops is their ability to think creatively: so not salt and predictable pepper but salt on caramel. Not those four seasons but twelve seasons in a year.

It is said: “No one is born with taste. Taste must be acquired not only by tasting but by learning and reading in dozens of disciplines and by experimenting and perfecting and making choices; choices about the right ingredients are of no greater or less importance than choosing the right words to describe your purpose.”

It is one thing to name an item on the menu fish eggs and astonishingly more profitable to whisper the word caviar. To say liver of a fat duck is less enticing than Fat Duck’s Foie (gras).  Or pâté rather than cold  meat loaf. Pommes frites go better with steak than Freedom Fries, a dish of revenge best served cold.

Robert F. Kennedy wrote, “Some dream of things that are and ask, Why? Others dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?” Nonconformists and risk takers possess the ability to paint toothache in fondant or describe the seductive smell of sizzling onions.

Creativity is a skill that can be developed. It is based on the fundamentals of technical knowledge and soaring imagination. Leonardo da Vinci had to understand the elements of anatomy in order to paint the Mona Lisa and The Last Supper; Picasso had to understand the fundamentals of art before creating his own cubistic artistry.

Every great chef starts to climb the ladder of stardom only after fully understanding the pure ecstasy of a well-constructed consommé. It is this grasp of complex simplicity that separates the sous from the celeb.

It takes a certain kind of intellect to think of serving a beefsteak tomato with a steak knife. To say “I love!” in a different way.

To invent a new dish is to pay homage to all who cooked before us and all the consumers who declared the chef to be an artist.

Queen Mary 2

There is a story told about the eminent French chef Jean Troisgros.  (He was the Ferran Adria of his day, dazzling food folk with his innovative dishes.) Three food writers from the United States were among those who set forth to worship at his multi-starred restaurant. They rhapsodized about their first course: a heavenly composition of Foie Gras with Haricots Verts and Warm Vinaigrette. They adapted this lovely composition for their readers. Thus in translation it became: Bologna with Frozen String Beans and Thousand Island Dressing.

I mention this because I just experienced the real thing: an Atlantic crossing on the Queen Mary 2 (QM2). Sailing, it seems, is rather different from cruising and the QM2 is the most magnificent ocean liner of them all. It is therefore only appropriate to arrive in formal attire to dine in a setting of unparalleled elegance and luxury.

I was so fortunate. I was introduced not only to the Queen (Queen Mary) but also met the charming Executive Chef, Karl Winkler. Naturally, my first words were to ask how he got his job. I am describing my grand adventure to illustrate just how many opportunities there are in the foodservice industry.

Chef Winkler is Austrian, and before ascending to his current exalted position, he’d worked in restaurants throughout Europe, London and New York. He has 33 years experience in the hospitality industry as does his Executive Sous Chef, German-born Klaus Kremer.

I love facts and figures so here are a few:

• There are 150 chefs and 60 sommeliers on board, who are assigned to one of  the eight restaurants.
• Each venue has its own chef de cuisine.
• The Britannia restaurant alone serves 1,200 meals for each seating.
• The Queens and Princess Grill caters for 400 guests.
• In addition, there is the Todd English restaurant, the Lotus (Asian food), The Carvery, (traditional English roasts) and the Boardwalk Cafe.
• A galley reportedly caters excellent food for the ship’s officers and crew.

The sheer quantities of food for a 6-day transatlantic crossing are quite staggering. These are the quantities food that is consumed:

• 50 tons of fresh fruits and vegetables
• 12 tons of meat
• 8 tons of poultry (chicken, duck and turkey)
• 2 tons of cheeses and dairy foods
• 5,000 gallons of milk
• 2 tons of sugar
• 12,400 eggs
• 20 Kg Russian caviar

No word on the quantity of Veuve Cliquot and other champagnes ordered but 6,000 cups of tea are served every day, and 8,000 linen napkins are laundered every day too.

Seawater is converted into fresh water for drinking, cooking and cleaning. The demand for water is extraordinary, equating to 79 U.S. gallons per person per day.

Aboard ship, the constant activity is eating…breakfast, lunch, afternoon tea, dinner and late night munching (french fries at midnight). Super food is available all the time. If anyone is feeling a little peckish between meals, there is 24-hour room service that arrives, with a smile, almost instantly.

The service is beyond brilliant! Nothing is too much trouble. If, for professional reasons, we wanted to sample four extra dishes, the request is fulfilled without even a hint of a raised eyebrow.

So, I asked, “what happens to all the leftovers?”  “Ah! Good question.” Vast quantities of food are indeed left over. They are carefully scraped into a giant centrifuge that dehydrates it, while spinning the oils and fats into a separate container that later is sold to pet food and other processors. The compacted food is tossed overboard, and eagerly devoured by school of fishes that follow the ship!

Naturally, I had to ask if Cunard, owner of the QM2, takes interns (or is the term ‘extern’?). The answer, in this troubled economy is a reluctant “no, not now.” How about applying for job in the kitchen or as a server? A recent advertisement in India received 20,000 application for 60 positions. The fortunate recruits sign a contract for varying lengths of time. Round the world cruises last for 90 days with 30 days off.

Applicants must have experience in the hospitality industry though the length of time required varies. Those whose resumes pass initial scrutiny are invited to two interviews conducted in their home country. (Many employees are from the Philippines, Mauritius, India and other places while remarkably fewer are from the United States, United Kingdom, France or Germany as these nationals are less willing to spend long periods of time away from friends and family for extended periods of time.)

The 24-day Treasures of Civilizations voyage from Dubai to New York cruises the Arabian Sea to dock in Salalah, Oman before crossing the Gulf of Aden, the Red Sea, passing through the Suez Canal, then on to Alexandria, and Cairo in Egypt. It’s then on to the Mediterranean Sea to Athens before proceeding through the Aegean to Rome, Cannes, France, Barcelona, Spain, across the Straits to Gibralta, and finally crosses the Atlantic to stops in Paris and Normandy before Southampton and then to New York.

Other cruises explore the Mediterranean, the Caribbean, Northern Europe (the Voyage of the Vikings), the British Isles, the Baltic countries, Norwegian glaciers and the ports of Spain, Portugal and the Canary islands.

The passengers are hooked for ever!  So, seemingly are the crew who spend their professional lives almost totally at sea.

Have you ever held a culinary or foodservice job like the ones described above? Any thoughts to offer?