As they were listed in the office of the Chef of the Queen Elizabeth’s yacht:

Queen Elizabeth II's Royal Yacht Brittannia, which was recently decommissioned

1.     The Chef is right

2.     The Chef is never wrong

3.     The Chef doesn’t drink; he tastes

4.     The Chef is never late; he is delayed

5.     The Chef never leaves his property; he is called away

6.     When you offer the Chef an idea, you are told about his

7.     The Chef is always addressed reverentially as Chef

8.     If you criticize the Chef, you criticize the Almighty

Waiter Waiting

Chefs are worried all the time. They worry about the quality of the ingredients. They worry about the cost of the ingredients. They worry about the quality and cost of the staff. They worry about consistency — and the price of gas.

But when it’s show time, the executive chef is ready. The chef de cuisine is ready. So are the sous chef and the chef de partie, the line cooks, the poissonier, the saucier, the entremetier, the grill cook, the garde manger chef and even the lowly stagiaire (trainee). They are all ready to get to work. They are ready to suffer heat prostration and burn their hands and experience emotional melt down and fend off an unceasing barrage of abuse while in painstaking pursuit of perfection. They work as a team, minute by minute. Time is of the essence in the kitchen.

The front of the house staff worry too. They agonize that every little teeny tiny thing has been fine-tuned in anticipation of the arrival of the first guests. The crisp tablecloths are carefully placed with the crease in the linen facing up (or is it down?). The crystal is polished until it sparkles. The silver gleams. The flowers are in full bloom. The lights are dimmed just so.

The receptionist is poised: her pen hovers over the reservation book. The bartender stands ready to pour. The wait staff is ready to perform a sublime symphony of synchronous service. For the evening meal, everyone is at his or her appointed place. Everything and everyone is ready.

What if there are 5, 10, 20 or more “no-shows”?

For a small restaurant this can spell the difference between profit and loss, success and failure. Even the finest of the fine establishments suffer irretrievable losses.

Who else loses? The sommelier, who advises. Those who depend on the receiving of tips. Those who were ready to remain vigilant and watchful, fetching and carrying, and delivering directions to the men’s room.

The  losses extend to the busboys who had hoped to bus and the runners who aren’t required to run. The Maitre d’ and Captain who maintain the tempo, beat, rhythm, meter, measure and pacing of the place and the General Manager whose task is to ensure the happiness of all who reside beneath his roof.

Who wins when those without a conscience don’t call to cancel a reservation?

NOBODY.

Many a guest, who wouldn’t consider blowing off an appointment with the dentist, the doctor, the hairdresser or the auto repair shop, don’t give a hoot about failing to show up at a restaurant. These miscreants deserve to be reprimanded. A new kind of alert (or phone app?) should be created.

We could take another leaf out of the famous Hollywood madam‘s little black book and post the names of the irresponsible, immoral wretches online. They could be shown, full face on Facebook, LinkedIn or on YouTube. There could an escalating scale of punishment for the no-show offenders.

One failure to show up and the next time she goes to a restaurant she will not be permitted to order a dessert (or sauce on the side).

Two no-shows will result in the doubling of the check at the next meal.

The third offense will require the would-be customer to surrender his or her right to ever again cross the threshold of any of the 535,052 restaurants in the United States.

His name will be registered on a special DO NOT SERVE website for the rest of his natural life plus 44 years.

John Sadovy / Getty Images

A resume is a summary of your past history. A cover letter declares your hope for the future. Your cover letter is read before the recipient even looks at your resume.

The objective of a cover letter is to get an interview, not a job. Receiving an offer comes later in the job hunting process. A persuasive cover letter is more likely to result in an interview than a resume that looks like hundreds of others.

Your cover letter is your main shot at getting your foot in the door. Take your time with it. Ask someone you respect to read it. It will be ditched immediately by the reader recipient if your tone of voice is wrong, meaning you seem to be bragging; desperate; groveling; inappropriately affectionate (I’m longing to hear from you etc.) or written on “girlie” paper decorated with flowers or puppies.

Read your first draft aloud. If you can’t find anything wrong with it or anything you want to change, you aren’t trying hard enough.

“To Whom It May Concern”
This is the wording to use if you are appealing a traffic ticket. If you are applying for a job from an identified company, make a telephone call to find the name and correct spelling of the Director of Human Resources. Make sure you spell the name correctly. If you are responding to a post box number, address your letter to the Executive Chef. Or ask yourself what would Perry Mason and his private investigator, Paul Drake do to track down the person of interest?

Keep your letter short: no more than three paragraphs nicely placed in the center of the page. Tailor each letter for each job you are seeking. One size or one format doesn’t fit all.

Don’t say you think it would be interesting for you to work for the organization to which you are applying. This is like parking in front of prosperous looking home and asking if the owner will pay you to move in, entertain and educate you and provide you with paid vacations and medical benefits. Instead offer what you will do to advance the profitability of the employer.

State precisely what you want: I want to be the assistant pastry chef.  Proclaim your virtues. For instance, “I always show up on time. I follow directions. I am a team player. I can cook!”

A cover letter should not be a short version of your resume. Search for any connection you have to the company and suggest ways you believe you will be able to contribute your unique talents to it.  Try to be as charming as if you are meeting your future in-laws for the first time.

Sample Cover Letter
A cover letter should be presented on letterhead paper and include your e-mail address and cell phone number and go along the lines of:

Date:    February 14, 2020

Dear Chef Wiffenpoof:

Charlie Huff’n’Puff, a fellow student from The Arts Institute professional culinary school told me you were looking for a skilled dishwasher for your country club in North Dakota.

I have recently married my football coach who grew up in Crossed Forks. We attended the Claude Pepper High School. We have bought a house a 5-minute walk from the club and will be moving there next week. I honed my skills as an extern dishwasher when working at the Danish Laundry.

I have attached three references with my resume.

[End the letter by keeping the power in your hands.  Don’t say “thank you for your time, I am looking forward to hearing from you.”  Instead say I will call you on Friday 13th at 3 P M. If the contact person is not there, leave a message.  If you do this three times, and there is still no answer, Wise up! The answer is "No Thanx."]

Yours truly,

Eager Beaver, Proud Food Jobs book reader

Don’t scrawl a gigantic or dopey signature at the bottom of the page.

Good hunting!