Prayer for New Diet

I dare not taste one drop of  oil

For if I do, my health I’ll spoil

I’d spread my bread with gobs of butter

But that would set my doc aflutter.

Don’t serve me poultry, pork or beef

Or I will surely come to grief,

            And that fine fish just from the sea

            Would, fried, become the death of me.

 At breakfast I must never poke

My fork at any golden yolk,

            And salt, to which I was a slave

             Now lures me to an early grave.

            Sugar, friend of childhood, sweet,

            Is now a rare, forbidden treat.

A shot of gin, a glass of wine,

Add up to sins times nine,

            For Julia is no more my guide

            ‘Tis to the Pyramid’s rules I must abide

Farewell to all the eats I love

Farewell, so long, to all the above.

             But as I chomp through fields of green

            And shrink each day to sinewy lean,

                        Teach me, dear Lord,

                                    Not to wish each course

                                                Was rare roast beef

                                                    With béarnaise sauce