The facts in any food safety story are far less important than beliefs.  Alfred Hitchcock was a master of scary scenes. He knew a shadow was far more frightening than a well-lit villain. Many consumers subscribe to the theory it is better to be safe than sorry. Generally speaking this is a concept embraced by extreme old age — a state some folk reach before their 15th birthday.  Even so, it is important to research the facts before arriving at a firm conclusion.

Science writers (should) deal with statistics, risk assessment and replicable clinical trials.

Some in the media are in the business of selling “stories.” Storytelling is enhanced with the use of words like danger, contamination, disease, poison and death. The media encourages distrust of authority, and fans the flames of suspicion using pursed lips and pointed fingers.

Note:Every year many hundreds of people are injured by squirrels…to avoid squirrels (and dear deer), drivers crash their car into a tree or oncoming traffic.)

Science writing is a noble profession. To get started you have to keep an open mind, but not so open your brains fall out!

The TV Food Network was launched on November 23, 1993 at a splashy press party at The Rainbow Room in Manhattan. When Reese Schonfield, then the TVFN  president, called for HUSH, the gathering of food media hushed as he  rolled out his vision for a bold new concept: a 24/7 food channel!  What a fabulous idea.

Reese Schonfeld was a very big shot back then. He was managing editor of United Press Movietone News, Vice President of United Press International Television News. He founded the Independent Television News Association, the first satellite-delivered television news service. With his pal Ted Turner, he created CNN and served as its first President. Today more people watch the TVFN than CNN!

Today close to 100 million households can tune in to the Food Network.  There are stations in Atlanta, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, Detroit and Knoxville.  There are viewers in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Korea, Thailand, Singapore, Philippines, Monaco, Polynesia and Great Britain.

What is turning this huge audience on to all these American Culinary Idols? It’s Big Boy Mario Batali, the Nasty Bits of Anthony Bourdain and Paula Deen, the Southern Belle who could dare serve grits with grape jelly and red-eye gravy. And Sandra Dee as she concocts a store-bought package of lady fingers, a plastic container of vanilla pudding, a whisper of artificial rum flavoring, a jar of jam and a squirt of whipped topping and declares it “mostly homemade.”

And the Barefoot Contessa who cooks for her well-heeled pals.  And the perpetually smiling Giada (with her revealing cleavage alluring generations of boy culinary students). And the lovely Lydia and La Bella Nigella and sweet Sara M. and  perkily determined EVOO’d Rachael   — American Eye Dolls almost all.

The food network is shamelessly derivative.  Science channels are morphing into the food channel. So are the travel programs and adventures in survival. Competition is hot. Quick.  Who can make the best ice cream while marooned on a blazing tropical island where there are no utensils and ingredients, (don’t even think of using the palm  oil).  You have just 30 minutes before the scheduled arrival of 2,602 Carnival Cruise line passengers.  The winner is…pause…pause…wild applause for the Instantly Iced Sandy Snapping Turtle Smoothie.

Who’ll take the cake for transporting turrets of spun-sugar from here to there without dropping it?  Who will be the judge of the judged?  Who will deliver forth the next incandescent banality?

Paddy Chayevsky, who wrote about the television as mass madness wouldn’t have believed just how completely mad the medium has become. We have traveled light miles from the simplicity of the Pillsbury bake-off. We remember our beloved Julia who inspired three generations to just go into the kitchen and cook.  How we yearn for Jacques and the Galloping Gourmet, (but not the frugal one.)

The genie is out of tube and we are spending way too much time searching for the next Aladdin with a new lamp to rub.We don’t want to watch anything remotely serious or educational. Just bring on the new game, the new competition. The new STAR.

If the job of celebrity TV chef appeals to you, first take media training, then try to get a start at a small television station, then study giraffes so you will be able to stand head and shoulders above all others.  Bam!

In my Food Jobs class, I ask the students to write a personal, private letter to me. I want to know what they would love to do if their fairy godmother granted their wish.

Yesterday I received this revealed secret: “If there’s anything I would love to do more than eating, cooking or cycling, it’s talking. I love talking.

How terrific.

A radio show!

It could be a proposal for a one-minute slot or a 30-minute program.

How to get started?

Address your proposal to the radio station manager describing your idea in one short paragraph: i.e. Food & Drink Magazine on the Radio is a lively, half-hour weekly radio program that celebrates the enjoyment of food and drink.

You will interview cookbook authors, food business entrepreneurs, chefs, restaurateurs, food truck owners, farmers and physicians, nutritionists, safety regulators, beekeepers, bread bakers and critics. On the menu too are those responsible for feeding school children, hospital patients, the military, astronauts and those working in the kitchens of federal prisons, museums, zoos and caterers of grand parties. And when our guests don’t come to talk to us, we will go to them, even if the journey takes us to kitchen of the QM2 or The White House. Late-breaking culinary news is heard here first, along with interviews and reports from the fascinating people who work in the food arena to reports on new products, openings and closings and  of the American food chain — from the farm to the store, from the skillet to the plate.

Send a sample audio tape with your proposal.

Who might be interested in accepting your proposal. Local radio station managers and college radio broadcasters.

National Public Radio invites guests to read their essays for local or national audiences. A colleague at the CIA contributes a quiz program on NPR. It’s totally brilliant.

What is your expertise and can you translate it to this media? It is a wonderfully challenging thing to do…even possibly…a career.

Keep talking…And listening. (Some folk’s idea of listening is to talk louder…)