As I peer into the future, I can already begin to make some forecasts about the elements of a meal in 2010.

A
American Cuisine will continue to be ‘IN.’ Every one, (or at least some people) believes New American Cuisine is the future. (Though trying to define American Cuisine is as difficult as trying to pet a porcupine.)

There will be an App for appetite control. New diet drugs may kill you but what a swell corpse you will make.

Appetizers will morph into little meals.

Researchers at Emory University will make significant progress to finding a solution for the 11 million Americans suffering from allergies.

B
There no longer will be a clear definition between foods that are eaten for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Instead, we will eat what we want to eat when we want to eat.

Single servings will continue to be the new darlings on supermarket shelves. Singles bars will morph into communal tables.

Boneless. Everything we eat will be boneless and pre-cut into bite-size pieces, so there will be no need for knives and forks on the table.

C
Chocolate business cards will be the new thing: they will be either white and sweet or dark and bitter.

Chic is a concept that is no longer fashionable. Cash, as in casual-ization, will be the new mantra.

Cakes decorated with real-life photographs of the honoree at the moment of triumph will become all too familiar.

Cookies: some wishful thinkers will believe that two little cookies don’t contain as many calories as one regular one.

D
Durian fruit will become the new kiwi now that scientists have removed the odious smell of unwashed socks from it.

Do It Yourself (DIY) will be the even more popular new mantra.

E
Eating Utensils. We will carry our own collapsible chopsticks in tiny perma-sterile compartments inside the latest version of an iPod.

F
French fries will become the new “health” food. They will be sizzled in “good-for-you” oils.

Every new food will be adaptable for serving in fast food outlets in a recognizable form, preferably shaped like a finger, though not necessarily a fish finger, as fish don’t actually have fingers. It must contain all four essential food groups, i.e., it must be greasy, salty, sweet and crunchy.

G
Goats, that will be got, will gallop onto many legislative agendas and restaurant menus.

H
Healthy Food Talk will continue to consume endless amounts of time and energy. Today most people are succumbing to degenerative diseases and the consequences of lifestyle choices. Death, despite the claims of some, is in fact not an option. Only plastic bags live forever.

I
I will be a guest speaker at cooking schools and colleges and the IACP (International Association of Culinary Professionals) this year.

J
“Juicy” and “scandalous” stories will whet the appetite mainly because they allow us minor sinners to feel momentarily superior to our former idols.

K
Kimchee will be the new craze. It tastes so much better than kabbage.

L
‘Lovely’ will not be the word to describe the bacon martini craze.

M
Mood foods will maintain their popularity as consumers embrace emotional management strategies, including ‘purpose driven eating’.

N
“No!” will be the most popular dietary concept.

O
Onions that won’t make you cry will soon become available, brought to you by the biotechies.

P
The restaurant Per Se will continue to per-sonify the pur-suit of per-fection.

Q
Quote: “Anyone who thinks the way to a man’s heart is though his stomach, flunked geography.”

R
Robots will milk the cows, feed the chickens, plant the crops and gather the harvest. (Robots never need a break and require no benefits beyond an occasional kick-start and a squirt of motor oil.)

S
Sustainable cuisine is an idea that will continue to gather strength.

Sturgeon is now farm-raised along with spuds in Idaho. The new state license plate will be: Idaho, Land of Fish and Chips.

T
Twitter. The Top 10 tweeters were and will be:
Coca-Cola
Starbucks
Disney
Victoria’s Secret
iTunes
Vitaminwater
YouTube
Chick-Fil-A
Red Bull
T.G.I.Fridays

U
U won’t need echinacea to cure the common cold according to a published review in The American Journal of Medicine. (There was simply not enough evidence to say whether it actually worked.)

V
Valedictorian speaker Garrison Keillor is likely to say again, “Eat your veggies!” (It’s a good line.)

W
Wrapped. Everything will be wrapped. The objective is absolute food safety. The goal will be to produce all our produce in biodegradable materials, i.e., within a banana-like sterile peel.

White tablecloths will be disposed (of).

X
EXcellent reporting will continue to be found daily on Food News Journal.

Y
Yum! Brands, Inc. restaurants will expand to meet its customers’ eternal love in over 110 countries and territories for yummy pizza, tacos and fried chicken.

Z

Zealot definition: One who is zealous, especially excessively so. So (James Bond) let’s talk about my friend “M”.

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Courtesy of yorkblog.com

It’s fair to say that the New American Cuisine is based on the ever charismatic goat cheese. We are eating our way through mountains of it. It is served warm with a flourish of baby lettuces. It is rolled in fruitwood ash and floated upon a sea-green virgin (olive oil). It is sliced into medallions and garnished with nasturtium petals.

Goat cheese turns up in omelettes. It is topping fancy pizzas. It is crumbled into pricey salads and molded onto crisp baguette slices to accompany ultra cool chardonnays.

It is not as though these darlings of the ultra chic crowd are particularly good for us. A single ounce of fresh goat cheese is choc-a-block with 82 calories, yet there is mounting evidence of our new enthusiasm for goat’s milk yogurt, goat’s milk ice cream, goat milk fudge, even, astonishingly – goat’s milk itself.

How odd it is that we swoon over this creamy, tangy cheese yet curl our lip at the notion of eating the meat of goat from whence it comes.

Courtesy of Oscar Nemon

I’ve been wondering if the problem lies with the goat beards that are known as goatees? We have always been suspicious of beards on account of their connection with intellectuals and other dangerous subversives.  Another clue to our disdain may stem from  saddling them with the name “Billy Goat” and calling their offspring “Billy the Kid.” Billy – and Tom – as in Tom Cat, implies a tendency toward night prowling and the kind of lascivious behavior that leads to such wanton tendencies as begetting.

Naturally, thoughts about ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ made me think that the image problem might have something to do with goat’s hooves, which you will have noticed, are cloven. No kidding; this anatomical anomaly, coupled with the dreaded horns mounted on their heads, leads to a worrisome comparison with the Devil, the Greek goat god Pan, satyrs and yet other symbols of bawdy badness, that have largely fallen from favor in the current if modified Puritan climate. And, of course, we all remember the Bible’s forecast of the Last Judgment, during which we will be separated into sheep and goats, and receive our long-term assignments accordingly.

There are 440 million goats in the world, but only in the Middle East and parts of the Mediterranean countries, are they swaddled in myrtle leaves and roasted on a spit. Cabrito, (the foreign name for goat), are eaten at Easter in some parts of Italy and in the Caribbean. Throughout the year, the people of West Africa gather together to eat goat stew to celebrate the birth of a baby.

Clearly, if goats are to become part of our new culinary heritage, they must be repositioned.

Congress, a body that tries to stay on top of things, recently took note of the plight of the downtrodden goat population and instituted National Dairy Goat Awareness Week. This act was promptly followed by the formation of the American Dairy Goat Association. Naturally, the association instantly published The Dairy Goat Journal. Before many more days passed, there was the naming of the Queen of the Goats–a pretty, blond girl, not a female goat. Simultaneously, a program to educate the public about the desirability quotient of goats was launched and a merry jingle and goat logo was created.

Livestock specialists at Texas A & I University, (the Lone Star State), are working to make goat meat an important new commodity. In  1991, a spokesperson for Texas A & I claimed that goat meat would be the fajita of the ‘90s.  He said, “Goat meat is both lean and nutritious and is a food people like.” This voice in the wilderness seems, however to have been stilled, perhaps due to a lack of evidence to back up his assertion.

What the association’s awareness people want us to know is, vicious rumors to the contrary, goats absolutely never eat tin cans. (Though it cannot be denied that they appear to be attracted to the scent of the glue.) Nor should we be preoccupied with the demonstrable anti-social behavior of goats and certain stubborn senior citizens, who are referred to, (usually sotto voce), as stupid old goats.

The probable origin, of the phrase, “getting our goat,” is the French expression prendre le chè vre, meaning, “to take the milch goat.” This could well be a poor person’s sole source of food or livelihood.

Today the goat association would prefer that we cease to think of goats as a disagreeable, small-horned, ruminant animal and instead come to regard it in astrological terms

Constellation of Capricorn

or as it pertains to the constellation of Capricorn.

Even so, I am pretty much convinced that goat meat could provide us with another fabulous fad to distract us from the current, hard economic times that threaten to engulf us.

The young superstar chefs are rapidly approaching middle age and urgently need to come up with something fresh to capture our attention. They could offer us roasted goat with octopus salad or maybe fricassee of stir-fried goat haunch with smoky chipotle and Armagnac-infused dried plums, (formerly known as prunes), or even goat tortellini with lemon grass and rhubarb crumble. The possibilities are infinite.

And there are the nutritionists to consider. Imagine if the nutritionists teamed up with the advertisers… Pretty soon, we would be urged to have an oat with our goat!

As I was thinking about goats, I had quite forgotten goats are also the source of MOhaiR and CASHmere, our softest, costliest wools. We could consider combining the ‘MO’ ‘R’ with the CASH. When this item appeared on the menu, we would cry out with one voice, “what we want is MO—R  CASH!”

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Courtesy of Escobar Highland Farm

A Ahhh: the A – Z of The Year in Food in Review!

B The buzzwords this year were “bacon, bacon, bacon,” butchers, back-to-basics cooking, Balloon Boy Batali, Barefoot C. D. Bouley, D. Boulud and db Bistro Moderne. The Beer summit with O_bama sent bloggers a-blogging. Blight (as in tomato) and the Big Bee Buzz Off also made news. Bottled water fell in trickle down economy.

C New cheese course in restaurants resulted in food jobs for cave men. Terrance Brennan, Chef-Proprietor of Picholine Restaurant and Artisanal Bistro and Wine Bar was nominated as Le Grand Fromage. Cup cake sales surpassed Pop Tarts. Copia, Napa’s bankrupt center for wine, food and the arts, was in the soup after amassing $78 million in debt.

D Doughnut claims proved to be full of holes.

E Epstein (Jason) wrote Eating: A Memoir.

F What began as “sugar-free” morphed into “salt-free,” “calorie-free” and “cholesterol free.” ‘FREE for All’ became the brand new and improved marketing concept. Let Freedom Ring! “Farm to table” was considered a brand new concept though, admittedly, this is the way people have eaten since the beginning of time. (The cost of a home-grown tomato was estimated to be in the range of $100. Gardening also took up heaps of free time.)

G Gordon Ramsay swore innocence in alleged sex affair. Government legalized marijuana. Rumors suggested that the appointed leader of a new agency would be known as Mr. Pot Head. ‘Green’ was declared the only way to go for those who wanted to get in the pink.

H Hospitals began replacing the rules of hospitality; some treated themselves like ‘out patients.’ They opted for a diet of denial. Dem(ocrat)s preferred smoothies. Healthy cocktails became all the rage.

I I will launch my web version of the Great Food Almanac in the new year.

J In the movie, Julie (Powell) blogged but Julia (Child) mastered our hearts.

K Kellogg dropped immune-boosting claims for sugary cereal — sweet gesture. Kraft’s courtship of Cadbury was rejected. Chocolate lovers turned dark and bitter.

L Happy No ‘L’ to All!

M Michelle (Obama) planted a vegetable garden. Martha (Stewart) tried to dig out from a 3rd quarter $11.7 million debt. Mobile foods kept on trucking.

N NASA located ice on the moon; still searching for scotch on the rocks.

O Organic lost its charisma; “sustainable” was the newfound concept. Obits for Sheila Lukins (of the Silver Palate) and Café des Artistes were written. Gourmet (magazine) bit the dust. Tavern on the Green is now on life support, but soon will be resurrected.

P Po’ Boys were getting poorer. Petite sweets were big and getting bigger.

Q Q’s were forecast for health care reformers by grim death panels. Q’s were eliminated by self-serve check outs in supermarkets. Barbeques remained popular with Dads, who prowled their backyards with a beer and a spear.

R NRA (National Restaurant Association) pegged future profits to rising Tide. Many restaurants washed up, leaving line cooks out to dry. French Laundry Executive chef Thomas Keller ironed out his issues and revealed a softer side.

S This year we appointed two supreme judges: Sonia S(otomayor) and Sam S(ifton). One is a fed, the other is a foodie. Both were well grilled before taking their hot seats — one on the bench, the other on the banquette. Both thanked their lucky stars.

T T-baggers made a big splash. Tweeters’ ‘Rec.A.P’s got even shorter.

U U still here?

V tV Food Network cooked up only contests and conflicts that generate a stampede of students into culinary schools.

W Increased cooking school enrollment led to more cooks, less home cooking. WOW!

X XXX and XXXX designates grades of confectioners’ sugar that is dusted on Xmas cookies.

Y Yellow fins were sinking. Yellow tails are rising.

Z SEASONings EATings to all and to all a white knight! Zzzzzzz.. Tweet Tweet… The  Nd

Cordially,

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