I’ve noticed that a bunch of people have been dying lately.  This presents a great opportunity for the rest of us.

We should remember that funerals are for the living.  The most honored survivors walk slowly and mourn from a lectern.  Grieving friends who are held in high esteem are invited to shoulder the casket from outdoors to indoors and back out again.

Others simply sob.

All this heavy-duty emotion is sure to build up a hearty appetite.

Brunch for the Bereaved is a niche market that is assured of growth as the population ages and the inevitable becomes, well, unavoidable.

Restaurants catering to mourners should specialize in tasteful advertising and appropriate interior design.

Writing in the Philadelphia Daily News, Christine Fisher describes the work of Jack Shoop one of only 61 chefs in the United States certified as a master chef by the American Culinary Federation. He notes that 40 percent of cancer-related deaths are due to malnutrition. Cancer and its treatments can affect a patient’s ability to taste and smell and lead to nausea, trouble absorbing nutrients, anorexia and fatigue.

Chef Shoop is part of a team of oncologists, naturopathic doctors, nutritionists, mind-body specialists and therapists that use a whole-person approach to ensure optimal nutrition for their patients. This approach is based on the fact that cancer does not affect one part of the body but rather the body as a whole — as well as all aspects of patients’ lives.  He says: “Our purpose is so wonderful and beautiful…really it’s about two Ls — loving and listening.”

Note: Personal and private chefs may specialize in a specific health area, for example preparing gluten free meals or tasty food for those living healthily with diabetes.  Even folk yearning to shed a couple of pounds can be helped to slimness with the aid of a personal chef.  Do you remember how much weight Oprah lost? And her cook’s cookbook sold literally millions of copies.n

The TV Food Network was launched on November 23, 1993 at a splashy press party at The Rainbow Room in Manhattan. When Reese Schonfield, then the TVFN  president, called for HUSH, the gathering of food media hushed as he  rolled out his vision for a bold new concept: a 24/7 food channel!  What a fabulous idea.

Reese Schonfeld was a very big shot back then. He was managing editor of United Press Movietone News, Vice President of United Press International Television News. He founded the Independent Television News Association, the first satellite-delivered television news service. With his pal Ted Turner, he created CNN and served as its first President. Today more people watch the TVFN than CNN!

Today close to 100 million households can tune in to the Food Network.  There are stations in Atlanta, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, Detroit and Knoxville.  There are viewers in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Korea, Thailand, Singapore, Philippines, Monaco, Polynesia and Great Britain.

What is turning this huge audience on to all these American Culinary Idols? It’s Big Boy Mario Batali, the Nasty Bits of Anthony Bourdain and Paula Deen, the Southern Belle who could dare serve grits with grape jelly and red-eye gravy. And Sandra Dee as she concocts a store-bought package of lady fingers, a plastic container of vanilla pudding, a whisper of artificial rum flavoring, a jar of jam and a squirt of whipped topping and declares it “mostly homemade.”

And the Barefoot Contessa who cooks for her well-heeled pals.  And the perpetually smiling Giada (with her revealing cleavage alluring generations of boy culinary students). And the lovely Lydia and La Bella Nigella and sweet Sara M. and  perkily determined EVOO’d Rachael   — American Eye Dolls almost all.

The food network is shamelessly derivative.  Science channels are morphing into the food channel. So are the travel programs and adventures in survival. Competition is hot. Quick.  Who can make the best ice cream while marooned on a blazing tropical island where there are no utensils and ingredients, (don’t even think of using the palm  oil).  You have just 30 minutes before the scheduled arrival of 2,602 Carnival Cruise line passengers.  The winner is…pause…pause…wild applause for the Instantly Iced Sandy Snapping Turtle Smoothie.

Who’ll take the cake for transporting turrets of spun-sugar from here to there without dropping it?  Who will be the judge of the judged?  Who will deliver forth the next incandescent banality?

Paddy Chayevsky, who wrote about the television as mass madness wouldn’t have believed just how completely mad the medium has become. We have traveled light miles from the simplicity of the Pillsbury bake-off. We remember our beloved Julia who inspired three generations to just go into the kitchen and cook.  How we yearn for Jacques and the Galloping Gourmet, (but not the frugal one.)

The genie is out of tube and we are spending way too much time searching for the next Aladdin with a new lamp to rub.We don’t want to watch anything remotely serious or educational. Just bring on the new game, the new competition. The new STAR.

If the job of celebrity TV chef appeals to you, first take media training, then try to get a start at a small television station, then study giraffes so you will be able to stand head and shoulders above all others.  Bam!