2013: The A-Z Food Year That Was

A

Airline food: There was no more pie in the sky. High in the clouds didn’t translate into haute (cuisine).

Amuse bouches were crafted to be picked up with our eyelashes. Mini morsels of oxtail perched on a sliver of sardine, topped with two petunia petals were presented as an itty bitty “gift” from the chef. A tasting menu in deed!

All socially responsible consumers and food companies hailed appetite for Fair Trade.

B

Bacon became the next sizzling fad. Bacon lipstick, bacon (de)oderant, bacon dental floss, bacon ice cream and other bizarre foolishnesses streaked along the highway of absurdity.

Bees buzzed off. Many feared there would be no more almond joy.

Broccoli was not adored properly.

C

Clinton, Bill and Gore both declared themselves vegan converts. Former Hi-Steakers meet rarely.

Chicken got cheap and cheepa.

Crumbs! Cupcakes lost their cutting edge.

D  

Drive through cronuts (croissant/donuts) failed to deliver.

Drone and robot technologies were forecast to bring food faster and fresher.

E

Entree plates had so many parts, it’s as tho: Jeffrsn, Einst, Picas, Moz & Seus R all present but communicating only in incoherent txt msgs.

‘Eating In’ consisted mostly of ‘Take Out’ purchases.

F

Farm-to-table restaurants prospered for the prosperous.

Fine dining went hi-tech. Devotees of Food as ART, Technology and Science were affectionately regarded as — FARTS.

Food stamps shrank to $4 dollars a day; a sum close to the $2.37 daily diet allowance of prison inmates (who live rent-free in gated communities).

Four Seasons evolved into 52.

Free was the word hovering on every lip.

G

Guy Fieri’s restaurant review, written by NYT’s Pete Wells, went viral.

Gone were restaurant reservations, dress codes and white tablecloths.

Going were high-priced professional restaurant reviewers and waiters. Servers were replaced with tablets at Applebee’s.

Goats being the source of MOhaiR and CASHmere, our softest, costliest wools as MO—R  CASH was the inspiration for the now compulsory cheese course appearing on every menu.

H

Health issues were all the rage. Death panel warnings tolled. We forgot only plastic bags lived forever. Even so, plastic bags were outlawed in Hawaii and several other states.

I

Ice cream sommeliers soared into the stratosphere.

J

James Beard was resurrected — yet again.

K

Kale, incomprehensibly, gained favor among the food faddists.

L

Labeling for genetically modified food continued to spark controversy.

Locavores’ strength grew organically.

Lunch hours shrank to 20 minutes.

M

Marijuana was legalized as a result of a grass roots movement. Some declared it was high time. Pot luck suppers weren’t once they were.

Martha Stewart disclosed ominous omens on her media horizon.

Meat was “grown” in a petri dish.

Minimum wage earners got few tips from Omni Living Legislators.

N

No! was the name of every new food introduction.

Many diners treated themselves to dinner as though they were nutrient-deprived out patients.

O

Oz Doctor was asked — and answered.

Obesity sufferers’ objective is to look like well-dressed thermometers.

P

Paleo dieters temporarily rescued Neanderthals from near total extinction.

Plates made from plants were recycled into benevolent compost. Sustainable growers strived to save the planet.

Pop up restaurants exploded.

Po’ Boys got poorer.

Q

Queuers at Starbucks requested tea.

R

Restaurants with 24 or fewer seats became places to be private, in public.

S

Some folk thought the greatest compliment to the cook is to declare “Boy! I’m stuffed.”

Sous vide opened wide.

Square meals mostly came from (microwaved) square boxes.

T

Trucks (with food served) kept on truckin.’

Turkey breasts grew so big the big birds couldn’t get close enough to mate: animal husbandry wasn’t what once it was.

Twinkies twinkled again.

U

Unclear was the future of super-size sodas as Mayor Bloomberg’s hopes for fewer big bubbles fizzled.

V

Viral also went Paula’s Dean’s comments.

W

Whole Foods became holier.

X

X-box beat out lock and bento boxes.

Y

Yelpers yelped.

Yogurt sales soared.

Z

ZEASONings EATings to all and to all a white knight!

 

 

One thought on “2013: The A-Z Food Year That Was

  1. Happy New Year! Looking forward to reading more of your blog posts in 2014. I really enjoy the different flavour and edge of your writing. All the best from Switzerland.

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